In my life much of the depression I suffered was, and is, due to a deep sense of inferiority.  I have always felt that I was not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough or really in general not what I believed, was a person of much worth.

So when I allowed myself to dwell on this feeling of inferiority I would be depressed.  Some of these feelings were brought on because my mother who loved me and was unusually good to me would criticize me and make me feel that whatever I did was not good enough.  I know that it was her way of encouraging me to excel and to do my very best.  She rarely praised me.  I always felt that I was loved but not a person who could be admired for who I was.  This negative environment created in me a sense of depression at an early age that was to be an attitude of inner sense of being less than I felt I wanted to be.  Still I managed to function in a typical youth and childhood way.  Since I knew my mother loved me even if I was not as good as she wished.

My mother had since I was a small child read me Bible stories and she took me to church where I learned about Jesus.  I felt His LOVE.  I knew even as a very young girl that He loved me.  He did not care if I was far from what my mother thought I should be.  This LOVE of Jesus and the love of my mother kept me from being in a deep sense of depression.  Because of her insistence on my “doing better” I had a constant feeling of not being “good enough” – depression.

This deep seated inferiority complex was not helped when in later years I married a man who was so much smarter than I was.  I had worked hard, studied much and graduated from college.  It was very hard for me.  It seemed to me that I had to study twice as hard to just make it.  This did very little for my feeling of self worth.  Still once again I made it and married at an early age.

My husband suffered from inferiority but was very smart.  He got his law degree and was a brilliant lawyer.  But he was critical and negative much like my mother.  Still I know he loved me and I loved him.  But because of his constant push to succeed in his life he pushed me too.  It made me feel very inferior.  This was hard to live with.  It was at times very depressing.  It was very crippling and I had to find ways to cope.

My coping mechanism was to run to Jesus who I loved as a child.  I thought if I worked at the church I would find Him there.